The Most Subtle Way to Praise People and Win them Over

As a social activist and team leader, I have adopted in my professional and private life 3 main ways to praise people:

  • 1. Catch people doing something good, and praise them instantly,
  • 2. Praise people in front of other people,
  • 3. Praise people in their absence.

The first one is very effective. It has a tremendous impact on people self-confidence, motivation, and feeling of belonging. Whenever you find someone doing something good, reinforce the action by praising the person in the moment.

The second one is very delicate and need to be used with great mastery and care.

The third one is the most powerful and the most influential and has a Karma effect. Everyone could practice it, at any time, without any limitation. There is no specific skill needed, but your wish to use it: Just Praise people in their absence.

Most of us tend to speak nicely about other people only when they are in front of us, but in their absence we would gossip and say mostly bad things about them, or talk things we don’t like in those people.

It’s very common and it looks like a human trait. Many casual conversations are about pointing, highlighting the disliked things in other people or events.

If you follow this practice you act like the crowd and you won’t stand out to become a people star, a recognized leader.

Here is How to practice the technique of “Praise People in their absence”.

1. To start you need to chose voluntary to abandon the old fashioned way of talking about people in their absence. Instead of pointing, highlighting things you dislike in other people, make it a conscientious choice to Stop this practice, and instead only praise people in their absence.

2. Systematically try to catch people doing something good. If you can, praise them in the moment. If not record in full detail  the event, and spread a praise of the event to the world. Next time, when the name the  person will pop up in a conversation, when appropriate, go ahead to tell other people your recorded story and express your personal admiration.

3. Praising in general terms like “he is nice”, “he is hard worker”, “he is smart”, “he is resourceful” still is good, but less effective than praising a person with reference to very specific story, event, achievement, etc. Being specific makes your praise more credible and make the person you are praising stand out effectively like an important and special person.

4. Make it a rule to praise  every day at least one or two persons in their absence. It could be people from your team, family, friends, etc. If you could Double this number every month during the next 3 months, you’ll be flooded by invitations of people who want to become your friends. You’ll become a People Magnet.

5. When you start the practice of praising people in their absence, try to do it in front people who are very close to them. Your praise will spread like a wildfire and reach your target in less than 24H.

6. When your target heard of your praise in his absence, he will feel good and things will look for him like you become his private PR agent, telling the whole world how important and special he is.

7. Practice undercover compliment and praise your friends, your colleagues, your kids, your wife, your husband, your investors, your peers in their absence. Never stop to praise them. Make it an active choice of praising continually people in their absence.

8. You may be wondering when will you have again the opportunity to say some disliked things about people, like everyone does? It’s so good to be caustic, to ridicule people in casual conversation. It’s a world wide practice, so how can you stop yourself from practicing it? Won’t you look boring?

Maybe looking boring today, is a condition for your full success tomorrow.

Praising and complimenting people in their absence is the Most subtle and the most powerful way to win people over. Start doing it actively and systematically from Today on, You’ll be stroked by the results.

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About Mawuna KOUTONIN

Mawuna Koutonin is a world peace activist who relentlessly works to empower people to express their full potential and pursue their dreams, regardless of their background. He is the Editior of, Founder of, and Social activist for Africa Renaissance. Koutonin’s ultimate dream is to open a world-class human potential development school in Africa in 2017. If you are interested in learning more about this venture or Koutonin’s other projects, you can reach him directly by emailing at

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